If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
