he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
