I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
