You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
