I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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