I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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