i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
