What a fucking waste of an outfit
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
