I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
this will be a night to untag.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
