I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
