Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
my being single is dangerous.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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