Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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