you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
