My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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