I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
