Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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