saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
