i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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