When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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