Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
