let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
