Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
