So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
