Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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