When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The air was thick with penises
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
