I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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