I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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