so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
