you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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