if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Someone signed my nipple.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
