Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
