Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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