I CAN MOONWALK!
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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