Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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