Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
