Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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