I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
