u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
