Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
