$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
If that was your dad, he is hot
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
