I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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