I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
