im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
