the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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