I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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