i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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