I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
