A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
