please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
