8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We don't watch enough power rangers
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
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