This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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