i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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