is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Randomize
