awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
