So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
