my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
