is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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