Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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