Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
