It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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