Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
