Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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