DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
