I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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