i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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