Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
