I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
