You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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