Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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