Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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