I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
