I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
this will be a night to untag.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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