this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
