Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
