His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
