Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
this will be a night to untag.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
