Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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