Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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