I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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