i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
