me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
