Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
