my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
